Carrying What Came Before: When Family History Lives Inside Us
Welcome Back Always,
Growing up in a Filipina-Mexican, blended family, I didn’t have the words “intergenerational trauma.” I just knew there were certain topics we didn’t touch, certain feelings that felt “too much”, and certain roles some of us quietly stepped into to hold everything together.
You don’t have to share my exact background to know that feeling. Maybe you grew up between cultures, between homes, between expectations—or in a family where love and stress lived side by side, and you learned early how to adapt, translate, or keep the peace.
I chose the roots to represent this idea, because roots can grow deep, change over time, and weave together with other roots—just like our histories, identities, and relationships become more layered and complex as we keep growing.
What “Intergenerational Trauma” Really Means (In Plain Language)
In clinical language, intergenerational (or generational) trauma is about how the impact of stress and trauma in one generation can show up in later generations—even in people who weren’t there when the original hurt happened.
In human language, I think of it like this:
The big things that happened before us can quietly shape how we feel, react, and relate now.
Not because anyone wanted to pass down pain, but because:
We learn how to cope by watching how our caregivers cope.
We learn what’s “safe” to feel based on what was allowed in our homes.
We absorb spoken and unspoken messages about what it means to be strong, respectful, successful, lovable, or “good.”
Over time, big events—like migration, loss, separation, financial stress, discrimination, or long-standing conflict—can influence the way a whole family or community moves through the world, even if no one sits down and explains it to us.
How It Can Look in Everyday Life
You don’t need a dramatic backstory for intergenerational patterns to affect you. They can show up in quieter, everyday ways, like:
Feeling responsible for everyone’s emotions, even as a kid.
Being the one who smooths things over, makes jokes, or stays quiet to keep the peace.
Feeling torn between honoring your family and wanting something different for yourself.
Struggling to trust that people will stay when you show how you really feel.
Having a hard time resting because your body is used to always being “on.”
Sometimes we call ourselves “too sensitive,” “too dramatic,” or “too much” when, in reality, we’re carrying layers of stress, grief, and responsibility that were never really ours alone.
You Are Not “Too Much” — You’re Responding to a Lot
It’s easy to turn these patterns inward on ourselves:
“Why can’t I just get over this?”
“Other people had it worse; why am I struggling?”
“I should be stronger than this by now.”
An intergenerational lens invites different questions:
What did you have to hold that no one helped you name?
What were you trying to protect—your siblings, your parents, your place in the family, your safety?
Who taught you, directly or indirectly, that your needs or feelings were too much, or not welcome?
You don’t have to know every detail of your family’s history for your body to be responding to its echoes. If you’ve been reacting to “more than just this moment” for a long time, that makes sense.
Gentle Questions to Sit With
You don’t have to tackle all of this at once. You might choose one question that feels okay enough and let it stay with you for a while:
When you think about the generations before you, what big stressors or stories come to mind (even if no one talks about them very openly)?
What were the unspoken rules about emotions in your family—what was allowed, what was shut down, what was laughed off?
What role did you quietly take on in your family (the fixer, the achiever, the quiet one, the clown, the responsible one, the listener)? How might that have helped you navigate that environment?
When you notice a reaction in yourself that feels too big, what happens if you ask, “What might this be connected to?” instead of “What’s wrong with me?”
You don’t need neat answers. Even just considering that your reactions might be connected to a larger story is meaningful.
A Soft Closing (For Now)
If this brought things up for you—memories, questions, emotions—you don’t have to do anything with all of it right now. You might let one sentence stay with you, or bring one question into your journal, a voice note, or a conversation with someone you trust.
My hope is that as we keep going, this space becomes a gentle reminder that you are not starting from zero, and you are not carrying everything in isolation. There is history here—and there is also room for new patterns, new choices, and new ways of relating to yourself and the people you love.
In future posts, we’ll keep exploring how “what came before” can show up in attachment, coping, and relationships—and how awareness, even in small doses, can be part of loosening old patterns over time.
Take what’s helpful, leave what isn’t, and move at the pace that feels kind to your nervous system.
With Love,
Drea
Gentle reminder: This little corner of the internet is for education and reflection—it’s not therapy, and it doesn’t create a therapy relationship between us. If anything you read here feels heavy or brings up more than you can hold alone, please be kind to yourself and consider reaching out to a trusted person, a licensed therapist in your area, or local crisis resources for more support.
References
(For folks who like to see where ideas come from.)
Healthline. (2022, April 19). Understanding intergenerational trauma and its effects. Retrieved from healthline.com.
Medical News Today. (2025, May 8). Examples and effects of intergenerational trauma. Retrieved from medicalnewstoday.com.
Cleveland Clinic. (2025, November 2). What is generational trauma? And how you can break the cycle. Retrieved from health.clevelandclinic.org.
Seattle Anxiety Specialists. (n.d.). Intergenerational trauma. Retrieved from seattleanxiety.com.
GoodTherapy. (2025, September 21). 5 steps to talk about intergenerational trauma with your family. Retrieved from goodtherapy.org.
If You’d Like to Explore More
You absolutely don’t need to read more to belong here, but if you’re feeling curious, these are a few accessible starting points:
Wise Mind Centre. (2026, January 22). How trauma shows up across generations: And what you can do about it.
Good Therapy San Diego. (2025, March 4). Understanding generational trauma.
Embody & Mind Collective. (2025, June 23). Breaking the cycle: Intergenerational trauma therapy.
